How I managed to change who I was into who I am now is important to showing why I feel I have any right to give advice on not giving up and the importance of hard work, for sure. But for you to truly appreciate how far I’ve come, I’ve got to go back to my younger years.

Growing up for me was never very easy. At least not to the best of my recollection. Academic achievements came easy enough for a while, but socially, it was hard. I grew up in a family that didn’t have a lot going for it financially. Hand me down outdated clothes didn’t do me any favors with other kids, my hobbies and interests remained juvenile, far beyond the usual timelines of other kids, my hair was always a mess and my fatherly example was a stepdad who never quite matured himself. I wish I could say that I was known as the kid from the other side of the tracks, but really I was just viewed as the weird kid that people would rather ridicule and bully than befriend, and I would remain that way, and even embrace that persona, for many years.

My mom and stepdad struggled with drugs and alcohol on and off over the years, so our lives at home were chaotic in their own right. I have few memories from during those years, save for the worst. I still remember nights when they dived into whatever substance they felt they needed to deal with their own demons, and my younger sister’s and I were left to our own devices for entertainment and food. I also remember the punishments that came from my stepdad whenever I did the “wrong things” on those nights. Now that I’ve made it through the fire to the other side I tell the stories of those punishments to people that I feel close to, for shock value and laugh at their reactions, but I’ve recently started wondering just how much of an effect these things have had me.

As I grew into my teen years I became more strong willed against him and anyone I had an issue with at school. Fights between my stepdad and I were commonplace from day to day, but they hit their highest levels on holidays. Coincidentally during these years, grades at school became less important. I showed a particular affinity for art and writing and was banking my future on going to art school, but it just wasn’t in the cards.

I know that some of these things don’t cast the best light on my mom, but the truth is I learned my first lessons in perseverance from her. I remember one particular fight, when she was defending his actions, and I asked how she could keep standing up for him. She didn’t have the words to answer me, but in that moment the look she gave me spoke volumes. I saw a woman that was just trying to help us survive. It might not be the best life, but we weren’t homeless, we had food most of the time and we were still in school and in those days that’s what mattered.

These days I’m so proud of her and happy for her. She got herself out of that situation, got herself out of the hard stuff, and she’s living her life with a man that truly shows love to her and the rest of our family.

I learned many lessons in those days, though I didn’t know it, and it would take years for me to be able to understand it. But it wove itself into the core of my being. When push comes to shove, you do what you have to to survive and definitely whatever you have to do to take care of your family.

There are so many things that we will face, that will make us want to give up. But if I can make it to where I have after everything I went through, anyone can. I’m nothing special, yet I overcame bullies, battled self-loathing, depression, loneliness and constant fear. I’m just a teen that grew up and found a stubborn steak that wouldn’t let him quit no matter the challenge.

But all these things take their toll, and I grew a major chip on my shoulder. One that only got bigger over the years. And unfortunately, I wasn’t strong enough to keep myself mentally hard against my own bitterness with the world.